You mentioned phones, but I think you're off. You seem to be referring to Android, which does what you say; tons of different components used by many different manufacturers that Google needs to try and accommodate. But that's not a valid analogy because Google doesn't build hardware.
No, I'm talking specifically within a manufacturer that controls all their own phone hardware. For example, Samsung DOES NOT update all their Android devices at once. Each device has a distinct software update cycle. It has nothing to do with Google, just standard industry practice.
If phone manufacturers with $200+ billion in revenue does not do simultaneous on updates on their phone lineup (a much simpler device compared a car), it's not reasonable to say it's "counter to software development best practices" when Tesla also doesn't.
Apple would be more appropriate. They develop their software AND their hardware, *just like Tesla*. While their phones are not supported for decades, they are supported for WAY more than 18 months. I believe they go back 4 years as a policy, but that's because phones are more of a commodity than cars are and replaced much sooner as a business model. And weirdly enough, they have updates on demand! They don't roll them out to a few people here and a few people there.
Apple does controlled rollout too:
"We incrementally rollout new iOS updates by first making them available for those that explicitly seek them out in Settings, and the 1-4 weeks later (after we’ve received feedback on the update) ramp up to rolling out to devices with auto-update enabled."
Apple VP Craig Federighi offers an explanation for why the Automatic Update toggle doesn't install the latest iOS update right away.
www.macworld.com
Also, while Apple does much better than Android manufacturers, I know people that had iPhone 6 (out late 2014) and Apple ended support with IOS 13 release (late 2019), a 5 year time period.
That's like if Tesla dropped support for the early 2017/2018 Model 3.
Windows is the only one that rolls out to everyone on the same day and has extended support going to 10 years, which is only made possible by the factors mentioned.
As such I don't buy your claim that Tesla isn't following industry practice, by doing controlled rollouts where people get updated in a stagger matter. That actually is good industry practice as per above, given it gives Tesla a chance to have some early feedback and halt the rollout if necessary before any serious bugs affect too many people.
So I'm not sure what 'different components' you're talking about in Teslas. No, they don't manufacture every component, but they know what ever component is and how it works and how to integrate it. Their component list is tightly controlled. You can't just put any headlight or other component in the car cause it won't work. They may use a 3rd party company to send the updates OTA but all those updates are created by Tesla. They are a software development company in the same vein as Apple.
The point is they have to integrate them, none of them were designed with Tesla OS in mind. Whereas for a PC, practically every part was designed specifically for Windows usage (there is much more limited support for niche OSes like Linux), with the part manufacturer responsible for writing compatible drivers, including updating them when an update breaks them (which they don't always do, unfortunately).