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All the Issues... Completely Undrivable at the Moment

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Well, this is not a great introduction to Tesla. I'm very sorry for the long post.

I bought my 2015 Model S P85D a couple of weeks ago. I haven't driven it a whole lot. Maybe 100 miles or so. Yesterday I drove into the town with my 3 1/2 year old to get a car wash. This is a stationary no-touch car wash if that might makes a difference. I set the suspension to the highest setting (to maybe wash inside the wheel wells better), and put the car in park once I was in position. I manually turned off the dome lights, so we could watch the car wash lights. The car wash finished, I drove it home and backed into my driveway with no issues. When I opened the driver's door, the dome lights didn't come on, even after I set them back to auto. Also, the driver's door puddle light was blinking on and off in a seemingly steady pattern. I didn't think a whole lot about it, got out of the car, shut the door, and walked around to the right rear door. The door handles were retracted and did not self-present. My son opened the door from the inside. Not thinking, I shut the door and we were locked out. The auto headlights did not turn off. After a call to service and tinkering around with the app, I got the climate control to turn on and the hatch to open, although powered, it did not open on its own. I had my son crawl through and open the driver's door. I reset both screens, which did not solve the issue. I tried a few things inside. The wipers work, but not the windows. I pushed the hazard light button, but they did not come on. I did walk away from the car at one point (to have a bourbon, if I'm being honest), and the headlights turned off and the hazard lights turned on. Partly because I hadn't done it since I bought the car, and because of this issue, I did a factory reset from the main screen and called it a night. The hazards were on all night, all doors were shut except for the rear hatch (which was shut, but not latched), and the door handles were all presented. This morning, I walked out with a key fob in my pocket, and the now retracted door handles self-presented. I got in the car, called service again, and we spent 45 minutes or so working on the issue. I also took apart the frunk to see if maybe the 12v battery was the issue. At some point, someone has replaced the original battery with a lithium from Ohmmu, so I'm unable to test it with my battery tester.

About an hour ago, the car itself and the app, went from showing both the front and rear trunks open, along with the driver's door. All of them were shut. Then the app showed everything shut up and locked properly, so I tried honking the horn from the app, and it worked. I got in the car to try to move it, but it still wouldn't recognize there was a key fob with me. The mirrors were folded and as I walked up to the driver's door all the door handles self-presented and the mirrors unfolded. I just checked the app before posting this, and the driver's door shows open, but it is not. I can still control the climate control from the app and open both the front and rear trunks with the key fob. It seems as though every time I walk away from the car for some time, things change, But it still does not recognize the key fob is with me. I did try updating the key fob, but the card didn't even recognize it was there, next to the antenna near the center console power point.

I have an appointment at my local service center for Thursday, but I'm really hoping to get this resolved, especially since there is no warranty left on this car.

I am very familiar with most things automotive, but again, this is my first Tesla, and I am at a complete loss.
 
Well, this is not a great introduction to Tesla. I'm very sorry for the long post.

I bought my 2015 Model S P85D a couple of weeks ago. I haven't driven it a whole lot. Maybe 100 miles or so. Yesterday I drove into the town with my 3 1/2 year old to get a car wash. This is a stationary no-touch car wash if that might makes a difference. I set the suspension to the highest setting (to maybe wash inside the wheel wells better), and put the car in park once I was in position. I manually turned off the dome lights, so we could watch the car wash lights. The car wash finished, I drove it home and backed into my driveway with no issues. When I opened the driver's door, the dome lights didn't come on, even after I set them back to auto. Also, the driver's door puddle light was blinking on and off in a seemingly steady pattern. I didn't think a whole lot about it, got out of the car, shut the door, and walked around to the right rear door. The door handles were retracted and did not self-present. My son opened the door from the inside. Not thinking, I shut the door and we were locked out. The auto headlights did not turn off. After a call to service and tinkering around with the app, I got the climate control to turn on and the hatch to open, although powered, it did not open on its own. I had my son crawl through and open the driver's door. I reset both screens, which did not solve the issue. I tried a few things inside. The wipers work, but not the windows. I pushed the hazard light button, but they did not come on. I did walk away from the car at one point (to have a bourbon, if I'm being honest), and the headlights turned off and the hazard lights turned on. Partly because I hadn't done it since I bought the car, and because of this issue, I did a factory reset from the main screen and called it a night. The hazards were on all night, all doors were shut except for the rear hatch (which was shut, but not latched), and the door handles were all presented. This morning, I walked out with a key fob in my pocket, and the now retracted door handles self-presented. I got in the car, called service again, and we spent 45 minutes or so working on the issue. I also took apart the frunk to see if maybe the 12v battery was the issue. At some point, someone has replaced the original battery with a lithium from Ohmmu, so I'm unable to test it with my battery tester.

About an hour ago, the car itself and the app, went from showing both the front and rear trunks open, along with the driver's door. All of them were shut. Then the app showed everything shut up and locked properly, so I tried honking the horn from the app, and it worked. I got in the car to try to move it, but it still wouldn't recognize there was a key fob with me. The mirrors were folded and as I walked up to the driver's door all the door handles self-presented and the mirrors unfolded. I just checked the app before posting this, and the driver's door shows open, but it is not. I can still control the climate control from the app and open both the front and rear trunks with the key fob. It seems as though every time I walk away from the car for some time, things change, But it still does not recognize the key fob is with me. I did try updating the key fob, but the card didn't even recognize it was there, next to the antenna near the center console power point.

I have an appointment at my local service center for Thursday, but I'm really hoping to get this resolved, especially since there is no warranty left on this car.

I am very familiar with most things automotive, but again, this is my first Tesla, and I am at a complete loss.
Probably not your issue but was it a car wash where it pulls you along or you stayed static? If it moves your car, the manual says

To keep Model S in Neutral so it can roll freely (for example, at a car wash, or when pulling the vehicle onto a transporter, etc.) you must activate TOW MODE. ACTIVATE TOW MODE 1. Make sure your Model S is parked in a safe location (TOW MODE will allow Model S to free roll).
 
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I went ahead and took this ground apart and cleaned it. I should probably mention that the car only has 46k on it.
1000024433.jpg
 
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Okay, I got the grounds cleaned up, although there was very, very little corrosion. When I got in the car, both screens were black. I reset both of them and they're both on now. The car and the app still show that my left side front door is open, but it is not. Both trunks are open, neither of which show open on the car or the app. The car still does not recognize that there's a key inside.
 
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Okay, I got the grounds cleaned up, although there was very, very little corrosion. When I got in the car, both screens were black. I reset both of them and they're both on now. The car and the app still show that my left side front door is open, but it is not. Both trunks are open, neither of which show open on the car or the app. The car still does not recognize that there's a key inside.
I'm sorry that that wasn't it. I wonder if it is that water got in a wiring connector/harness somewhere.
 
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Changing the wheel configuration will reset the computer. A common need with older models. Sometimes the ground posts look good but breaks when you try to take the nut off. Checking the voltage of the 12v with the computer shut down might show that it's weak.
I did not realize that. I will give that a try once I get back out there this morning. I will also check the voltage at the battery with the computer turned off. I appreciate that suggestion. Even with the upgraded lithium battery, I suppose it could be due for a new one.

Forgive my ignorance here, but to turn the computers off, I just need to power off the car? And as far as the 12v from the battery, I'm assuming it should be between about 12.5 and 14.5, like a typical automotive 12v battery?
 
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I'm sorry that that wasn't it. I wonder if it is that water got in a wiring connector/harness somewhere.
That's okay, I appreciate the suggestion again. It's definitely possible the car wash did this, especially considering I've had zero issues until I went through the car wash. And speaking of this car wash, even though it's relatively basic, it does a very thorough job of washing underneath, the wheels, and of course the rest of the car. I use it for five times a week on my Yukon.
 
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One thing of note this morning. Everything seemed to be working just fine as far as door handles, mirrors folding, taking a charge, climate control. I was able to control all of that from the app, so I tried to enable keyless driving, which seemed to work. However, once I got in the vehicle, shut the door, pressed the brake, put it in drive, it warned me that while keyless driving was enabled, I had to press the brake to put it in gear, which of course I was doing. Then it warned me that there was no key inside the vehicle, like it's been doing the last couple of days.
 
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