Hey Rolo, thanks for the answers. It's given me a better view from the other side, and lots to think about.
I'll answer your "who should pay for it questions", all the rate payers, just as they do now when a new transformer needs installing or a transmission line needs fixing. Or whatever pieces of equipment are needed to keep the grid functioning and safe, just like today. Isn't that what utilities do...spread the fixed costs of operation out among all the users? If that means adding additional equipment for protection of the grid, that's the grid's problem to deal with.
So it net metering isn't the right model, as you are saying now and and Robert has said in other threads, then a new model is needed. If the costs of accepting solar/wind onto the grid are an issue, then yes those whose power needs more "cleaning up" like intermittent sources, should get paid less for their power. (Although I do think some form of carbon tax/credit should be used to cover the external costs of dirtier sources.)
However, for those who self generate (with solar, or wind or natural gas or small fusion reactors) behind the meter, there sure is a perception problem that charging them per kWh for using their own power that the grid never sees is just wrong. Physics be damned, it's wrong. So smart guys like you are going to have to come up with a more palatable scheme to make this work to balance out the perception with the physics. (This was a philosophical discussion, after all!)
If wild swings of power usage are the problem with behind the meter users, than isn't that what demand charges were created for, to compensate the power company for having to deal with the swings, and to incentivize the user to lessen the swings? Seems like batteries would help here. (Oh yeah, you gave a whole talk at TMC Connect about that...) If the home owner buys batteries her demand charges will go down. Incentivize creating less of thing that causes the actual problems. Charging people per kWh for their own generation is daft, and is not incentivizing the right thing at all.