ONION, NJ. - Another public figure has been caught up in the #MeToo movement: Santa Claus, who announced his resignation, effective immediately. This will have the effect of canceling Christmas this year, as well as the lay-off of over 12,000 elves. It seems that Claudine Robbins, a 102-year old woman living in Brooklyn, has alleged an incident that allegedly happened in 1921, involving a bottle of Coke. She said, "My memory is a little foggy on this, but I'm sure it happened."
President Trump said, "She sounds like a liberal," and announced plans to Make Christmas Great Again. Trump said he would make the rounds himself, "but you know what you can expect if you're not ultra-conservative. I knew we would find a way to put all those coal miners back to work."
President Trump said, "She sounds like a liberal," and announced plans to Make Christmas Great Again. Trump said he would make the rounds himself, "but you know what you can expect if you're not ultra-conservative. I knew we would find a way to put all those coal miners back to work."
