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Battery drained to zero

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The correct procedure for this is in the manual btw.

Pop the tow hook cover out the front bumper. Behind it are a couple of leads. Connect these up to a spare or near by 12v source. This should be enough to unlock the doors I think then you are in, can set tow mode, open charge port for real power etc.

Many AA and RAC vans now can hook you up with a few kwh at home charger speeds too, which is then enough to get you to a real charger and get going again.

Check all this in the manual, but it's there. I think I have a printed copy of this and one of the other emergency procedures in the car (yes, I see the futility of this, but it does mean I remember it exists)